I lay there to sing and turning thinking “what happened to me” and i realize that the fears, my harsh reality and each day i wander my thoughts. Trying to figure out when it went all wrong and at no point do i know exactly when and how it happened but i can’t stop thinking about it and i can’t figure anything out and it scares me. The pain consumes me and i have no idea how to move on or live with the things i’ve done, yet i’ve always held things in and never been able to accept most things or move on and for that i am broken. In the past 5 years i have accepted that and its odd and very confusing to accept and explain, a part of me wants to let go and the other wants me to move on and start my life over. But how can i do that when i’ve made all of these mistakes and letting go? Who knows what it would do and would it change me IDk? i need help and idk what to do or how to forget…. maybe im lost forever.