Numb

Everything is blank, the colors of the wind, the love that I share with you and everyday it seems as if I’m losing you. The love and affection is gone and all that’s left is the pain without your kiss, your embrace, your touch but what I remember most is the memories of how much love we shared with each other. You promised you wouldn’t leave me and you told me that you would forever love me but here I am on drink number 12 and all I feel is the pain and the constant reminders of how much you hurt me. I am usually able to forgive but you hurt me to the point where I am numb. nothing is safe, nothing is clear, nothing is clear and I am alone with nothing but the feeling of being numb. 

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Cheating 

How can you do it? How can you tell someone “I can’t trust myself to not cheat on you”? Like that right there is a deal breaker for me and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m gonna be the one ending up like the fool. I don’t wanna come out of this relationship being the fool who fell for the cheater. I really do love him and I want to be with him but it seems like he has other things on his mind. 

The Goodbye 

It’s the simplest thing a goodbye. But yet I’m sitting here finding myself lost in the words I’m going to say and I’m dreading it. I want so much to stay and be with you forever but my future is on the line and I have to pursue my dreams. But your my dream and your everything I want and when I think about all the moments we’ve shared and all the love I have for you i wanna stay and spend my life with you. But here I am sitting finding myself lost in the words I’m going to say and all I have to say is Goodbye.

The Journey

On this endless winding road with my heart in my pocket. I can’t help but think I’m on this earth for a purpose and that purpose is unknown. But I am yet on this winding road with my heart in my pocket thinking of the purpose I have in life. The dangers I face are all in my head and the love I hope to find is in my heart but I can’t help but think theirs something out there for me to find. In this life I’ve made many mistakes and in this journey I’m about to take I want to for once do right by myself. Only time will tell what this journey has to offer and in the journey the life lessons I will learn.

Complicated Life

This life I’m living isn’t what I thought I would chose. I can’t count on anyone but myself let alone deal with this pain in my chest. I’ve lost everything and I can’t contemplate how to turn back time and start the clock all over again. God please save me from all this pain and sorrow. Idk how much I can take?

The Story Of My Life

I lay there to sing and turning thinking “what happened to me” and i realize that the fears, my harsh reality and each day i wander my thoughts. Trying to figure out when it went all wrong and at no point do i know exactly when and how it happened but i can’t stop thinking about it and i can’t figure anything out and it scares me. The pain consumes me and i have no idea how to move on or live with the things i’ve done, yet i’ve always held things in and never been able to accept most things or move on and for that i am broken. In the past 5 years i have accepted that and its odd and very confusing to accept and explain, a part of me wants to let go and the other wants me to move on and start my life over. But how can i do that when i’ve made all of these mistakes and letting go? Who knows what it would do and would it change me IDk? i need help and idk what to do or how to forget…. maybe im lost forever.

Tragedy in it’s best form

New things are progressing as my past starts to fade and my future is just 1 step away but the past has many fates and thus far the ones I’ve chosen have been full of darkness and despair. The future holds so many things and as I decide my fate parts of my old life start to fade away. As I close my eyes, images of that summer appear and I realize how the past was full of hate, pain, death, loneliness and fear of the events later to come that the blinded eyes shielding me from forgetting the past. In silence, I lay alone in my bed wondering how my life ended up this way, yet I think of that day I made it all fade away but that day has long passed and my revelation will come. On this day I will finally know the meaning redemption and forgive myself or at least cope with all the lies and shades of the truth that I have been thorough. Life is the result of death but death is the beginning of the end but the revelation comes before the Grimm Reaper asks to take your head.